Yes, it’s true; two houses in Allentown, Pennsylvania lit up in a glorious conflagration.  According to fire authorities, this devastation was a massive gas explosion and a resulting fire.  Five people died as a result, including a 4-month-old baby boy.  Tfnn would like everything reading this article to keep them in their hearts, thoughts, and prayers. 

Houses are not wild pokémon and should henceforth not be using ‘Self-Destruct.’  We urge our readers to take a moment to check their house’s/apartment’s fire safety.  Electrically, no daisy chaining.  Make sure you have a CO2 detector in addition to smoke detectors.  Finally, if you think you smell gas, it is better to play it on the safe side and get it checked out immediately.  

dp

(Source: mcall.com)

No, not those pestering, pubic crawling crabs!—Actual crabs.  China has rolled out the first vending machine that sells living crabs.  Selling crabs from a vending machine reduces the price the customer pays, because the clerk costs are eliminated.  That’s right, you can acquire these crustacean creatures for a price that is 30% less than the usual price!

This machine maintains a temperature of 5 degrees Celsius, which is cold enough to make the crabs go into a state of hibernation.  It also boasts a promise that if your crab is dead-on-arrival, you will get three crabs for free.

A Chinese man came up with this idea, and he is currently considering offers for bringing his product to Japan.  Japan, home to hentai, video games, and very polite people, currently has an array of types of vending machines, one of which sells bananas (this will make you feel like shit when you go to a vending machine later today to buy 2 bags of chips).  Another notable Japanese vending machine is one located in bars that distribute sake (get a banana and get hammered, too!).

Read the fucking Japan Probe article here, complete with Japanese news video!  Image courtesy of Japan Probe as well.

dp

This latest compilation of the glorified ‘Punk Goes…’ will leave you with stained underwear.  That is an honest fact (not that I am talking from experience or anything…).

The track-list:

1. Down - Breathe Carolina
2. Hot n Cold - Woe, Is Me
3. Bad Romance - Artist vs. Poet
4. In My Head - Mayday Parade
5. Right Now (Na Na Na) - Asking Alexandria
6. Paper Planes - This Century
7. Heartless - The Word Alive
8. Bulletproof - Family Force Five
9. Blame It - Of Mice & Men
10. Run This Town - Miss May I
11. Airplanes - The Ready Set
12. Dead and Gone - Cute Is What We Aim For
13. Need You Now - Sparks the Rescue
14. My Love - We Came as Romans

Each artist definitely pays homage to the original version of the song, but assuredly put their own spin on it (as is expected, there are plenty of added scream-o parts to the songs, of which I have never been a complete fan; however, a majority of these parts work in this compilation, which was not necessarily true for its predecessors).  The spread of songs is superb.  The spread of artists is superb as well.  Cute Is What We Aim For is even on this album, having recorded Dead and Gone.  Coincidentally, the Cute Is What We Aim For on this album is not the previous Cute is What We Aim For; no, that Cute Is What We Aim For has disbanded, and, well, is dead and gone.

Favorite Tracks: Down, In My Head

Awesome Interpretations: Dead and Gone, Airplanes

I give this compilation a 9.5/10.  What are your thoughts on this master-mix of musical manna?

dp 

On October 29^th, 2010, a supposed elderly Caucasian male was taking a trip via Air Canada from Hong Kong that was en route to Vancouver, Canada. Yea, I did say supposed, because this arsehole is a fraud to the n^th degree. According to people on the plane, the gramps looking character “mimicked the movements of an elderly person.” Although he seemed to have an older looking face, he “appeared to have young looking hands,” sources close to the investigation say.

During the flight, our brittle-buddy had a sudden call of nature that facilitated a wobbly-like locomotion to the restroom.

Here is a photo of our senior citizen entering the washroom (right—like you couldn’t fucking tell) and our not-so senior citizen exiting the washroom (left):

I know what you’re thinking. “Damn, that old fuck cleans up good!”  In actuality, the Asian looking Male, in his 20’s had constructed a silicone mask that extended to the better part of his neck. Topped off with a nifty brown cardigan, flat cap and crooked spectacles to boot. This is being classified as an “unbelievable case of concealment” from the alert issued by the Canada Border Services Agency. Upon departure, a collection of federal agents greeted the young man, in which he than claimed for ‘refugee protection.’ In my opinion, the dude was showing off his Halloween swag to all of his fellow passengers. When nobody succumbed to giving him candy, he fell out of character and removed his false face. Unfortunately, he didn’t clue anyone in that he was just “JK-ing” hardcore.  The real motives for this case are still widely ambiguous and perplexing to both Hong Kong and Vancouver officials.

Picture and story courtesy of AOL and CNN.

mr

Haiti can’t catch a fucking break. Hurricane Tomas has been beating the crap out of Haiti with a combination of rain, wind and the worst fucking timing ever. Over 1 million people that had their homes destroyed in the 7.0 magnitude earthquake that hit Haiti are now living in tents. Is a thatched roof and mud-wall house the best protection from a hurricane? No, but it’s a hell of a lot better than a vinyl tent.

The main issues with this Hurricane are flash flooding and the further spread of an outbreak of Cholera hitting Haiti. That’s right, along with the decimation of the earthquake and the aftershocks, Haiti is now experiencing a rampant outbreak of cholera. 

You know, that disease that you thought, until this article, was made up by the Oregon Trail. The one that made Grandpa Joe and your sister get diarrhea every time you tried to ford the river (just pay for the raft you idiot, your buffalo are going to die). Maybe this will teach Haiti to spend more money on medicine before the trip and less money on ammunition and oxen. You can’t even carry more that 15 lbs of meat, why would you need that many bullets?

So let’s review the bad things that have happened to Haiti this year:

1. A 7.0 magnitude Earthquake

2. Aftershocks following that Earthquake

3. Having to deal with Lindsay Lohan and Tiger Woods trying to help your country

4. Cholera

5. Now, a Hurricane causing mud slides, flash flooding and the further spread of an epidemic

This is fucking awful, and Haiti needs help once again. It deserves our help, too. However, I’m not sure how much longer I can text “HAITI” to a donation number if Mother Nature continues to pick on the little guy like this. TFNN politely asks Mother Nature to calm down and stop picking on Haiti during what we can only assume is her time of the month. 

Here’s the fucking CNN article

jm

[image dp]